"This is the way." Actually, no it's not, Mando.
It's hard making friends as an adult. Following the advice of many others, I decided to join a club/group. This is when I learned the hard way that some groups do not like when you join them in the intention of doing the club activities, meet people, and DATING. A club/group actually blacklisted me. They never apologized and yes, I'm still mad about it.
What brought this on and this posting was someone on reddit recently in my home state asking how to make friends as an adult and how to meet people. Many of the responses were join a club/group. I had to share MY experience to let them know, some clubs don't like that.
I am a 90s kid. I grew up on Highlander. Got into sword collecting because of it. Took Kendo when I got older. Always wanted to learn fencing but to this day is too expensive for me. Being a nerd, a geek, a cosplayer, a convention goer, I have always been into scifi. I learned that there were star wars clubs/groups that did lightsaber choreography.
Being a huge fan of Ray Park (first saw him in NBC's Heroes and the Xmen movies as Toad. Been on my radar since) and him as Darth Maul, sign me up! Being a sword enthusiast and fight choreography enthusiast (I used to RP on AoL in the 90s doing spars and fighting in arenas in Rhydin), again, sign me up!
I discovered Saber Guild and some local "Temples" of Zeffo, Malachor, Corellia and Dathomir. As one who travels to cons, (Otakon, Awesome Con, Katsucon, Nekocon, Dragon Con), going from DE, MD, PA, VA is not an issue. I decided to visit some of the local temples.
I have been familiar with the 501st way before I knew of Saber Guild. Back in Virginia they would invite me to Air and Scare at the Smithsonian (2013), been with them at St Patrick parades in Alexandria. Went to Dragon Con with them twice (2013/14). I wanted to join them so I was an unofficial groupie.
I liked all the Saber Guild Temples I visited but decided on the one closest to me run by Rodney Clarke, Zeffo. I got along with the members great, or so I thought. I got along with one member in particular (Joe) and we started talking for romantic potential. I didn't feel a vibe. Things went south. I could tell this guy was a hot head and would not take it well. I did not want to cause any tension or drama at any club/meetings by just me being there. I work with my ex at one job so I know how it is.
Therefore I started emailing other temples to see if I could join them. I inadvertently got in touch with the head of the organization, Randy Ward. He kept asking me what's wrong with the local temples and why would I want to travel when there is one right there. I didn't want to name the pilot guy so I was evasive. He pried and I told him the real reason. The first thing he told me was that Saber Guild was not a dating group.
That offended me. First of all, was not joining because of that! It would have been an added bonus but I did not join because of that! I wanted to make friends. I wanted something to do. I am into star wars. I am into sword collecting and fight choreography as well as dance choreography. I have written fights in fiction and in role playing so this club/group is definitely geared towards my interest. I know damned well it's not a dating group! Yes, I would love to meet a fellow nerd guy that shares my interest but again, not why I was there. So yeah, that offended me.
Apparently he, Rodney, Don Bickel and other local temple guys had a powwow trying to figure out "what to do with me" was his words. His parting words made me feel unwelcomed and blacklisted. What also left a bad taste in my mouth was the friends I thought I had made unadded me on facebook which makes me think everyone was talking about it/me.
In addition, it was also told to me that they thought me a security risk. Security risk?! Check your MALE PRIVILAGE. Clearly none of them have experienced a crazy ex boyfriend (Spencer) who used to harass me on FB and FB messenger by making FAKE profiles, the latest one was by the name of Steve Burnside and a Resident Evil pic. Didn't matter how many fakes I blocked, he kept finding me due to my real name.
Clearly none of them are in high ranking positions in the military. I dated an e6 going e7 who did not want his men seeing him in cosplay out of fear that he'd be recognized and wouldn't take him seriously at work. A fake name and profile would have been ideal in that situation. He actually had one.
Clearly they are out of touch with the cosplay community. Many cosplayers have profiles for their cosplay personas and so on. Profiles and names separate from work/friends/family so others couldn't find because they want to keep that part of their lives separate. It must must be nice not having to worry about such things. My real name would have been learned during my time with them. For privacy and protection, I don't give it out freely.
Remember that time I matched a guy on bumble and apparently didn't say anything? Because he remembered ME and showed up at my WORK. Asked me about it while I was at WORK. So now I don't even reveal where I work when it comes to online profiles, my exact location or my real name. But again, male privilege must be nice that privacy is not needed.
Had I found a "home", I was more than willing to blow the money on an official costume so that I could be with them with their costume REQUIREMENTS. It also would have been nice going to cons in that region that I'm not familiar with and having people to go with vs all the cons I used to frequent by myself. So I was really looking forward to them.
I don't like how I was treated. I don't like how they handled it all or me. It left a bad taste in my mouth that I blocked them all. They never apologized. I'm still mad. All I wanted was to learn how to do the twirls and look bad ass. Make bad ass dueling videos and it all seemed like such fun. Joining a group. Making friends in the process. Going to cons. Have a new hobby around my interests. Learn fight choreography. Maybe even find a guy in the process. But nope. Saber Guild is not for socializing.
So yeah, some clubs don't like you joining to meet people and make friends. Heaven forbid you're single and interested in dating someone apart of the same club/group. I didn't like how the Saber Guild and 501st made it a requirement to have an official judged Star Wars costume. You couldn't just join to be social and make friends. There are no other Star Wars clubs/groups to my knowledge that are location based which is why I had turned to them to begin with. The whole "you can't play with us without a costume" just feels elitist and unwelcome. Feels like the Star Wars toxic fanbase people talk about.
So yeah. Still mad. That is my experience. 0 stars. Leadership not compassionate at all. Did not feel cared about. I recommend not joining them or supporting them due to my experience.
I looked into other things but had no interest in the SCA and HEMA (?) because I want to do light saber choreography and Star Wars, not battle reenactments or anything historical. Drexel Dragons looked promising but their meets were on weekdays when I work. Didn't bother with LARP because again, I want to do light saber choreography.
I'm still very interested in learning if anyone can teach me. Interested in hanging out with fellow Star Wars fans and making friends, going to cons together and stuff like that....without the "costume requirement."
